I've had a realisation...

This past year has been one of the most amazing but also one of the most difficult of my entire life. I've spent months battling loneliness whilst all my friends were off having fun at university (difficult), then I travelled around South East Asia for two months (amazing), came back home, worked an awful job for the summer (difficult), gone through some personal journeys (difficult) and moved city to start at one of the best universities in the country, realised I hated it and had to leave. I am now, sleeping on the sofa in my mum's house, not really knowing what I want to do with my life. I'm back working at a shop, a job that's easy but not particularly fulfilling. 

9

I've been toying with the idea of training to become an accountant. I've always been good at maths and business type things. It would be something I could do with relative ease and I know I could be incredibly successful if I put my mind to it. But here's the thing, I don't want to put my mind to it. 

I saw a quote from Jim Carrey earlier today saying that 'you can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on what you love.' I know accounting is something I don't want, but I had to spend a bit of time thinking about what I actually do want to do. And this evening, it hit me. 

I want to travel the world. I want to see amazing things. I want to meet incredible people. I want to help those in need. I want to see, do and learn everything I possibly can about this world. 

I'd always thought I wanted to stay living in London, have a successful career, a big house, a perfect husband and three perfect children at good schools. I'm only nineteen, I don't even need to think about those kinds of things, but that's all I've ever thought I wanted for most of my life. But since returning from my travels in Asia last spring, all I've thought about is getting back out there and trying something new. I see pictures on Facebook of old friends doing just that and I get such strong pangs of envy. I need to travel. It's burning up inside of me. I'm going to start saving my money to up and leave, probably some time next year, and I'm just going to do it. 

I want to take a chance on what I love.